To My Baby

The desire to have a second child runs very deep in a mother's heart.  In 1995, after years of being
single I thought I had found my soul mate and that we were blessed when I found out I was pregnant with what would be my second child.   I found out I was pregnant on January 3, 1995.  My dream of having a second child was shattered on February 9, 1995.  My wedding date was February 24, 1995.  I wanted our baby to be part of the wedding ceremony.  I know our dream had been lost, but I still felt the need to include something about this loss in the ceremony.  I wrote the following letter which was read by the minister during our ceremony at Lake Tahoe on our wedding day. 

The Minister reading the letter below

                                                          To Our Baby

     We first learned about your existence on January 3rd.  Your father and I were so happy and
excited.  We immediately starting making plans.  The guest room would be the nursery.  I bought a book on names.  September 13th was the day you were due to be born on and was a day we were looking forward to.  Our baby, a baby we loved and wanted very much.  Even your big sister April, was excited and looking forward to being a big sister. 

     Then on Thursday, February 9th, very suddenly and unexpectedly we lost you.  It felt like our world fell apart.  All of our plans, our hopes and our dreams were gone.  We felt so empty.  We will never know if you were a boy or a girl.  We'll never get to hold you or rock you or give you a kiss.  Obviously, God had other plans for you and for us.

     Even though we never got to do the things we dreamed of, there are still things we can give you.  Most importantly is your name:

                                                     Amber Rashelle
                                                            or
                                                    Douglas Austin

     We want you to know how very much you were loved even during the short time you were with us.
 
     Amber Rashelle or Douglas Austin we feel in our hearts that you are up in heaven with all the angels.  My grandmother, your great-grandmother, Nana Sellitto, is up there with you.  She will look after you and take good care of you for us.  She was the best grandmother in the whole world and I know she will love you with all her heart just as we love you.

     Please know that we will never forget you and that you will always be with us in our thought and in our hearts.

                                                                                       All Our Love,

                                                                     Your Mother, Father & Big Sister April

Holding back tears as the letter is read.



Your Mom and Big Sister



 

In June of  that year, my new husband told me he had not been honest with me.  He told me he never wanted a child.  Never had and never will.  I was even more devastated.  I was blessed when in court my new husband had submitted a document representing that he had lied.  The judge upon hearing this told me that since my husband had misrepresented his intentions, I did not need a divorce.   Our marriage was annulled in September 1995 and that is why this blog is entitled "To My Baby."

 

 

Your Mother and Father