MotherlyBlessingsInMyLife: A Poem For My Youngest Son

Sunday, April 6, 2014

A Poem For My Youngest Son

Today marks the two year anniversary of dissolving my youngest son's adoption. It has been the hardest two years of my life. I know how much I have been blessed, but also feel the grief of this loss. On this anniversary, I am sharing this poem I wrote for my baby boy.

To My Ant, My Bugga Boo

I had already adopted your sister and brother

When I got the call that September to be your mother

Your brother, your sister, now you and me

I could not believe that God had blessed me with three

Had to wait to bring you home due to a background check

But I could visit, hold you and love you so what the heck

Born 4 weeks early and the same weight just like your oldest sister

It seemed destined that you would be my precious youngest mister

Finally got to bring you home on my grandmother’s birthday

Excited that you were now mine and would get to stay

Always busy and active and a pleasure to see

I felt so blessed by God to have you in my family

Then came the day the hardest decision to make

To have to let you go for your own best sake

A heartbreak so big and so much left untold

A system so broken left me nothing to hold

God did bless us with one more chance at the rink

To hold you and kiss you and now so much to think

Every day that goes by I think of you

Praying that God watches and guides you so true

My heart aches as I have to say goodbye

You are in God’s hands and for now I still cry

I am so blessed by God for the years that I got to share with you. I have posted some pictures to share that remind me of that blessing...

First Birthday

Adoption Party

A Nap With Sammy

2008

Fishing in the Jordanelle

Yellowstone National Park July 2009

Third Grade

Florida June 2011

December 2011

December 2012

A Chance Meeting at the Ice Rinks

This is the last time I got to see my Bugga Boo

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My First Blessing

"Stinker Poo" is my oldest daughter who was my only blessing for 14 years. She had to endure being raised by a single parent and put up with all of my crazy yearnings for another baby. She is very quick witted and has never ceased to amaze me with her humor. She has a love of reading which definitely did not come from me. She has always taken her education seriously and worked hard at learning. She graduated high school as Valedictorian, got her BS from Texas A&M and her Master's from Univeristy of Texas at Dallas. She is currently teaching full-time and is working on her PhD. She is married and has followed her love of learning and teaches. From the day she was born she inspired me and she continues to be my inspiration each day.

My Second Blessing

"Bubba Doo" is my oldest son and the blessing I was afraid I would never have. After a miscarriage, failed third marriage, 13 unsuccessful inseminations and a failed legal risk foster placement I was thrilled to be able to foster Bubba Doo for his first 30 days of life. What started out to be a 30 day foster care stay turned into a six month stay. I was able to adopt him when he was 8 months old. He is the miracle that I thought I might never have. He is a joy to be around, loves hockey and football (especially the Utes) and always has a smile on his face.

My Third Blessing

"Ya Ya" is my youngest daughter. She has the same birth mom as Bubba Doo. I was so thrilled to learn that after so many years of wanting another child that I would now have two more children. Ya Ya had a rough start and had to overcome health and developmental delays. She has an incredible internal strength and I have learned the most from her. She has taught me to view life differently and to realize what is really important. She loves Littlest Pet Shops and Justin Bieber. She continues to amaze me with her strength and fortitude.

My Fourth Blessing

"Bugga Boo" is my youngest son and my baby. He was born at 36 weeks and weighed 5 lbs 13 ounces just like his oldest sister. He also shares Bubba Doo's and Ya Ya's birth Mom. I never in a million years anticipated that I would ever get a 4th blessing. Bugga Boo is a very smart boy. He loves Legos, transformers and building things. He can be quick to anger but also has a quick wit. Of all my blessings, he is the funniest and I never know what will come out of his mouth next. He has taught me that there is always room to love one more and I cannot imagine my life without him.