A Mother's Neverending Grief

 

Sitting here just thinking about life.  No I am not at home.  I am sitting on the bus on my way to get groceries.  All of a sudden there is that heavy feeling in my chest. That feeling you get when someone
you love is gone. I have a lump in my throat and tears are welling up in my eyes.  I miss them so much.   I try not to. I remind myself I must move on. I had no choice. I had to let them go.   I hate that I had to make that choice.  What will it take for our children with Reactive Attachment Disorder to be able to get the help they need?  How many more children will loose their permanency?  How many more parents will be forced to have to dissolve an adoption even when their heart isn't in it?  How many more families will be torn apart?  Finally two tears roll down my cheeks.  One for YaYa and one for Bugga Boo.  I miss them so much.   I brush those tears away and remind myself I must move on....    but my heart always says I love them and I miss them dearly.....

A True Mama's Heart

What is a mother?  What makes a mother?  What is in a True Mama's Heart?....For most people they think of giving birth to a child who shares some of the mother's genes.  A child which is biologically related to the mother.  This is indeed a very special blessing to be able to have a biological child.  However, what happens if the dream to have a child cannot be fulfilled biologically?  What if the child is not biologically related, does that mean this child is less of a child to the Mom?  Is the bond between the mother and the child not as strong if they are not biologically related?  Does this make the mom less of a mother?

 

I recently had someone make a comment to me that I did all I could for my two children whose

adoptions I was forced to dissolve.  This friend commented that no one would think less of me

because my children were adopted.  ADOPTED!  This just hit me the wrong way.   Was my friend implying that you adopt a child and if it doesn't work out you just give them back.  Maybe my friend meant that you always love a biological child more and since my children were adopted it was ok to give them back.  Then I thought, did I do something to make her think that I loved my children less because they were adopted.   Did her statement say more about her or about me....

 

Here is what I know about a True Mama's Heart.  You love all your children...  It does not matter if your children come through you or to you...  They are your children and you love and protect them like a mama tiger does her cubs...   You see if these special children

came to you rather than through you that mama has endured a lot.  You see for several reasons that mama was not able to have a biological child.  It could be infertility, miscarriage or still birth.  Maybe the mama's husband is infertile.  Maybe that mama is infertile.   Maybe that mama got to only hold her newborn for a few hours as her baby died.  You see the mama that follows her journey to be a mama may have endured way more than the mama who is able to have her child biologically.  There could have been unsuccessful infertility treatments.  There are times that mama has had her marriage crumble because her marriage could not survive the grief and loss of not being able to have a biological child.  There are so many losses a mama may face before that one special child is able to come to her. 

 

So I want to say to anyone who thinks or says "..... your children were just adopted..."  I am here to tell you that to a true mama's heart that does not matter one bit.  A true mama does not care what race her child is.  A true mama will love any child that God sends to her.  If for any reason that mama looses her child, that mama's grief is real and just as strong as if she lost a biological child and chances are she has already lost a biological child.  The Love is the same...  The grief is the same...  You see to the true mama they are all her children and she loves them all with all her heart and soul.   There is no difference between a biological child or an adopted child.   To the true mama's heart they are all her children....  The true mama's heart LOVES all of her children....  The true mama's heart grieves the loss of any of her children...  A true mama's heart does not love one child more than another...  A true mama's heart loves all her children the same....  For a true mama her children are her children and it is as simple as that....   A true mama's heart loves all her children......