In May 1998, I received a call from a shelter worker named Alice who was looking for a foster home for a premature newborn. She told me the birth mother was an IV drug abuser and her drug of choice was heroin. The birth Mom chose to use cocaine and that caused the placenta to abrupt, which is why the baby was born premature at 34 weeks. This baby was Bubba Doo. He spent his first day in the Neonatal ICU on oxygen and then transferred to the nursery. Bubba Doo had issues with temperature instability, irritability, feeding difficulties and weight loss. I did feedings three times a day with Bubba Doo while he remained in the hospital. When he was eleven days old, I got to take him home. He weighed 4 pounds and 11 ounces. Bubba Doo continued to have feeding difficulties and after eight different formulas I found one that he could tolerate. In December 1998, Bubba Doo was hospitalized with Rotavirus and Buccal Cellulitis. Due to his birth history and the seriousness of his cellulitis, he was tested for HIV and tested negative. In January 1999, Bubba Doo was hospitalized again for resistant Strep Pneumococcous pneumonia. Since this was Bubba Doo's second serious bacterial infection that required hospitalization, he had a full HIV workup which thankfully came back negative. Bubba Doo was discharged from the hospital with a PICC line and continued to receive IV antiobiotics after I took him home.
The day Bubba Doo was discharged from the hospital in January 1999, is the day I went to court to adopt him. Bubba Doo was small for his age initially and was followed in the Neonatal Follow-Up Program for developmental issues until he was 3 years old. He was delayed in speech and when he was 3 years old started speech therapy for an oral motor deficit and an articulation disorder. Bubba Doo continued in speech until the end of third grade. In 2004, Bubba Doo was diagnosed with Complex Partial Seizures. He struggled in school with learning difficulties and was diagnosed with Dyslexia. In 2008, Bubba Doo had a neuropsych evaluation and was diangosed with a Cognitive Disorder and Reading Disorder. It was during this time that Bubba Doo was diagnosed with migraine headaches. Bubba Doo continues to struggle in school and in 2011 was diagnosed with abdominal migraines and irritable bowel syndrome.
In June 1999, I received a call from Cheryl with DCFS who was Bubba Doo's post adopt worker. Cheryl was calling to let me know that Bubba Doo's birth Mom had another baby and she wanted to know if I would foster and possibly adopt. I spoke candidly to Cheryl about my concerns to adopt another baby as a single parent. I was not sure I could afford the added expenses. Cheryl explained to me that the State did not want children to not be adopted because of money. Cheryl assured me I would be able to get a monthly adoption subsidy if I did adopt the baby. In addition, Cheryl explained that due to the in-utero drug exposure Bubba Doo and the new baby would be eligible for State Medicaid until they reached age 18. No one can predict what issues prenatal drug exposure can cause and sometimes there are issues that don't start showing up until the children reach school age. To be honest, I never expected to get a call regarding a second baby, but felt that ultimately it was in God's hands and I told Cherly I would foster Bubba Doo's baby sister.
YaYa was born term and was addicted to black tar Heroin. She spent 23 days in the hospital withdrawing from heroin. When YaYa was 23 days old, she had been weaned from the Diluted Tincture of Opium and I could take her home. However, she was not done withdrawing and went through horrific withdrawal from heroin. YaYa was hospitalized at four months and diagnosed with a viral infection, seizure and she was paralyzed on her right side for a day and a half. YaYa got seriously sick again and was hospitalized at eight months of age with severe dehydration due to Rotavirus. I adopted YaYa in June 2000. YaYa kept having seizure like episodes but was not daignosed with a seizure disorder until 2004. We made multiple visits to the ER for seizure like episodes, YaYa was admitted to the behavioral health unitand from there was admitted into residential care. It was during this time that she started displaying physical aggression towards Bubba Doo. YaYa was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, mood disorder and anxiety. We saw several pediatric neurologists in Utah and Texas and YaYa was diagnosed with a generalized seizure disorder and alternating Hemiplegia. In addition to residential care and inpatient psychiatric hsopitalizations, YaYa had over 6 years of weekly therapy for mental health issues. In August 2010, YaYa was placed into foster care due to safety issues in our home with her brothers.
In September 2003, I received a call from a DCFS worker stating that there was a newborn in State custody that was the sibling to the two children I had adopted. He was born premature at 36 weeks gestation and was positive for heroin and cocaine. He spent eight days in the hospital at birth and then went to a shelter foster home when he was discharged from the hospital at birth. After about a month, he was placed in a second foster home while the State completed my background check. Bugga Boo was placed in my home on December 22, 2003, when he was almost four months old. My home was his third foster home. Bugga Boo had developmental delays in fine motor, gross motor and speech. He continued to have delays and continued receiving early intervention services for his first three years of life. I adopted Bugga Boo in September 2004. At age three, Bugga Boo started receiving speech therapy for a speech and language disorder. In 2008, he was evaluated for his quick temper, sleep difficulties and rages. I was told he showed signs of ADHD and he was started on medications but they did not help his behavior. We continued weekly therapy, however Bugga Boo was frequently a victim of YaYa's aggression. Safety became a BIG issue in my home. YaYa was physically aggressive with her brothers and threatened to kill them. She often said, "I wish they were dead." After years of therapy and multiple diagnoses, YaYa and Bugga Boo were both diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
There are too many details to get into in one blog, but I LOVE all of my children. I have been there for them and done everything I can to get them the appropriate help. I have advocated and worked as hard as I could to provide for them and to meet their needs. I have continued to take parenting classes, attended a post adopt support group with DCFS, continued therapy for myself, attended a monthly seizure support group, attended NAMI workshops, attended a monthly support group for parents who have children with Reactive Attachment Disorder and even attended the Attach conference in Omaha in 2011, so that I could learn more about attachment. I am not afraid to learn. I have read several books on parenting, adoption, attachment and bonding. I take my responsibility as a mother very seriously and I want more than anything to do what is necessary to help my children.
In spite of all of the issues my children have, I know that I am blessed to have them in my life. It has been difficult at times as well as physically and emotionally exhausting, however I would never trade any of my children for all the money in the world. I feel blessed to know that God sent them to me and that I was entrusted to be their mother. I was told by several social workers with the State that even though I was doing all of the right things, I more than likely would not be able to adopt since I was a single mother. I placed my trust in God that if I was to adopt, then the right child would come along. I only dreamed of adopting one child, but know that I have been given a triple blessing.........
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