MotherlyBlessingsInMyLife: February 2016

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Family Is Who We Choose To Love...

I don't even know where to start. It has happened again. The same supposed friend made a comment standing in my kitchen that my youngest son was not my real son because he was adopted. She then went on to say that no one would blame me for dissolving his adoption. "He was not my REAL son." I told her I disagree. He is very much my REAL son. I was initially upset because my oldest son was in the next room and I did not want him to hear what she was saying. My oldest son is adopted and I did not want him to be hurt in anyway by this comment. Her comments really disturbed me on so many levels. First, what kind of friend would even say such a thing? Is this how she feels about adoption? What kind of friend, even when I explained how I feel insists that he was not my REAL son? I have spent a great deal of the weekend in tears. My anger runs so deep that I cannot even find the words to describe the hurt and betrayal I feel. Maybe it is the realization that this person is not my friend after all. You see I love ALL my children. There is no difference if one is biological or one is adopted. My oldest daughter reminded me of something this weekend. She reminded me of what my step-father use to say about family. He would say it is not about blood it is about who you choose to love. My step-father was right. He was such a wise and wonderful man.

My Oldest daughter and her Papaw

As we go through life we choose who we love. Sometimes, those that are related to us are the very ones who hurt and abuse us. It is okay to remove a toxic person from your life when they inflict pain intentionally. I know without a doubt my step-father loved me more than my biological father. I can say that because my step-father showed me he loved me and he made that choice. He loved my oldest daughter and was the best Papaw a child could have. He unfortunately died before my youngest children could have a chance to get to know him. So I will repeat what my step-father said to me on several occasions. "Family is who you choose to love and not about biological relationships."

Do we have to love those who are biologically related to us? I think it depends on how those related to us treat us. You do not have to love someone who is mean, abusive, unkind, cruel, malicious, unpleasant, spiteful or disagreeable. I choose to love my children... all of them. I guess that some people don't understand that LOVE is a choice we make... I choose to LOVE all of my children... I know in my heart that will never change...

As for the supposed friend who stood in my kitchen and insisted my youngest son was not my real son, you will never get it. I chose to adopt and I choose to love all my children... Yes, I admit that I had to dissolve my son's adoption... I dissolved his adoption out of LOVE... I recognized my son needed more help than I could provide. I felt I had a responsibility as his mother to do what was BEST for him. I made that choice out of love... just like the birth mom who chooses to place her baby for adoption to give that baby a better life than what she can provide. Hard choices made out of LOVE. I choose who I LOVE and I LOVE all my children equally..... They are all my REAL daughters and sons. My children are my family and I choose to LOVE them all.....

My youngest son who I LOVE with all my heart.....

My First Blessing

"Stinker Poo" is my oldest daughter who was my only blessing for 14 years. She had to endure being raised by a single parent and put up with all of my crazy yearnings for another baby. She is very quick witted and has never ceased to amaze me with her humor. She has a love of reading which definitely did not come from me. She has always taken her education seriously and worked hard at learning. She graduated high school as Valedictorian, got her BS from Texas A&M and her Master's from Univeristy of Texas at Dallas. She is currently teaching full-time and is working on her PhD. She is married and has followed her love of learning and teaches. From the day she was born she inspired me and she continues to be my inspiration each day.

My Second Blessing

"Bubba Doo" is my oldest son and the blessing I was afraid I would never have. After a miscarriage, failed third marriage, 13 unsuccessful inseminations and a failed legal risk foster placement I was thrilled to be able to foster Bubba Doo for his first 30 days of life. What started out to be a 30 day foster care stay turned into a six month stay. I was able to adopt him when he was 8 months old. He is the miracle that I thought I might never have. He is a joy to be around, loves hockey and football (especially the Utes) and always has a smile on his face.

My Third Blessing

"Ya Ya" is my youngest daughter. She has the same birth mom as Bubba Doo. I was so thrilled to learn that after so many years of wanting another child that I would now have two more children. Ya Ya had a rough start and had to overcome health and developmental delays. She has an incredible internal strength and I have learned the most from her. She has taught me to view life differently and to realize what is really important. She loves Littlest Pet Shops and Justin Bieber. She continues to amaze me with her strength and fortitude.

My Fourth Blessing

"Bugga Boo" is my youngest son and my baby. He was born at 36 weeks and weighed 5 lbs 13 ounces just like his oldest sister. He also shares Bubba Doo's and Ya Ya's birth Mom. I never in a million years anticipated that I would ever get a 4th blessing. Bugga Boo is a very smart boy. He loves Legos, transformers and building things. He can be quick to anger but also has a quick wit. Of all my blessings, he is the funniest and I never know what will come out of his mouth next. He has taught me that there is always room to love one more and I cannot imagine my life without him.